Moving Day

Although its presence was always lurking in the foggy future, I was not sure when this day might come. With the progression of events, it seems that right now is the perfect time. 

I am finally done growing flowers. It was a long season. I have tended them, watched over them, and provided them with all they needed to flourish. I used the dirt that once existed to grow the most exquisite bouquet of blooms. This transformation healed deep wounds within, allowing me to let the past rest and move on with a happier and more fulfilling future. 

I will bring my flowers with me to the other side of the world. The strength they have given me is truly of immeasurable worth. 

The most sincere "Thank you" to all who have helped me in this transformation, who encouraged me find a new path and walk down it with all the strength I could muster and claim the freedom necessary to finally experience myself. 

For no less than the next year, all blogging has moved to 

http://smokeandoil.blogspot.com/

Thank you all for everything. Know, with all the sincerity I can send through the internet, that I will be thinking of you on my journeys. 

Myrtle Beach

My mom and I took a more or less spur of the moment trip to Myrtle Beach to get in some good memory/ bonding time before I depart for a long, long time. 

Myrtle Beach is a pretty crazy place, but we had a really good time and partook in a few in- depth conversations about how Myrtle Beach is a prime representation of modernity at its very best/worst (depending on your viewpoint of modernity). Huge buildings, huge cars, huge people, huge portions, huge shopping complexes . . . everything was huge. This was quite nicely offset by our mode of transportation: the Mini! 

Here are some pictures: 

The view from our hotel room

The pool below

Us at the beach

An amazing sandcastle

Huge shrimp!!

Hard Rock Park

I rode that beast!! Twice! 

Exhausted in a big, white, fluffy bed after a long day

It's raining! How sad!

Luckily the rain appeared when we were leaving, not arriving! 

Exile

So, I have been back from the mountains for quite some time now, but a little too impacted by the experience for casual blogging. 

The mountains have become enigmatic for me. They represent all that I love and all that I hate. They gave me everything, and left me with nothing. Within them, they hold my happiest days and my darkest nights. I cannot be but affected by the mysterious power illicited by these mountains; calling and expelling me, at one in the same moment. 

Perhaps returning to the mountains so soon was not the right decision, not the best decision for my health and healing. Perhaps they represent a force, an omniscient presence, to be reckoned with for years to come. It may, in fact, be years before I am powerful enough to face them once again, knowing they can see within me the tumultuous past I left at their feet.  

Beech, Sugar, Roan, and Grandfather are my judge, jury, and executioner. Their charge for me -- indefinite exile. Exile to a foreign land, far from the familiar comforts of home. Far from the friendships that have been built, and even farther from the one's that have been destroyed. In the spirit of the duality of the mountains; their charge is both a curse and a gift. 

Cursed to begin life again, so close in time to the destruction of the last. It is hard to build with confidence where great tragedy once gripped the foundation, ripping it straight from the ground. 

Within this exile also lie the gifts of space and novelty. Far from the physical manifestations of past memories, the ability to build a stronger foundation finds renewed energy and enthusiasm. Novelty can provide distraction, and new adventure can work to construct meaning and memory where there are now gaping holes. 

From the opening ceremonies last night in Beijing, it is quite clear to me what I have in common with my land of exile. A people both burdened and propelled by their past, rebuilding from great ruin to the hope of a brighter future -- a future more welcoming to the gaze and touch of others. 

It is unsteady ground, containing both pride and fear, both hope and despair.

 

I am

going back to the mountains. I figure that with all the flat, big ring riding I've done around here this summer, I need to find some climbs to even out my little ring! I am also going to visit some important people before my final departure in August. 

I probably won't post for the next few days, but when I come back Monday/ Tuesday, be prepared for lots of great photos of beautiful Banner Elk in the summer time.