From Disorder to Order

I have been saying for weeks that I need to finish unpacking, clean my room, do some laundry, and organize the mess known as "moving back home." 

Well, today, I finally did it! I had more books than I knew what to do with, so I just threw them on my bed, and before you knew it . . . BAM . . . I had a book situation. For a while there, I thought I was going to have to sleep with Madam Bovary, R.W. Ellison, and Camus!! Oh, man, that would have been a party . . .

But have no fear, being a book person, I know how to deal with these types of situations. In no time, I had a "new to me" bookshelf in my room, shaping into order what was once utter chaos. 

Memorial Day

A leisurely ride in the Mini . . .

More of the Same

So, I am realizing that I was a much more interesting person before "the accident." I had time to think about interesting things and then write about them. Now I just undress and redress wounds, and take and upload pictures in the process. 

Actually, I am in the middle of a really great novel, which I will be sure to report on in depth when I finish it. 

I will get more interesting soon, I promise. 

Just Deep Enough (Thats what she said. . .)

Still Healing

Considering the swelling in my knee, I might have a few problems once the surface wounds heal. 

Forgot to take pictures of my elbow yesterday. I will get some today. 

I have to admit its gettin better, gettin better all the time. . .*

I wanted to post these before the vicodin takes my consciousness and lulls me into a deep sleep. I got all off track with my reading schedule, and am hoping to make a comeback tomorrow. My house tonight was taken over by people from the college, as my mom agreed to host the after graduation faculty and administration party. More on that mind numbing experience later. Now, to bed. 

*Getting Better, The Beatles 

Where everything and nothing collide

I did this today: 

My particular accident was covered under "Pre school Prevention" at the hospital. Life, I just wasn't humiliated enough. . .Thank you. 

Fuck Kierkegaard

"In the relation between two, the relation is the third as a negative unity, and the two relate to the relation and in the relation to the relation; thus under the qualification of the psychical the relation between the psychical and physical is a relation. If, however, the relation relates itself to itself, this relation is the positive third, and this is the self." (The Sickness unto Death) 

Thanks. Really helpful. 

Porn for Nerds and Intellectuals

Random Beauty

Bahahaha. . .

Excerpt from "Oryx and Crake" (Atwood)

"When did the body first set out on its own adventures? After having ditched its old travelling companions, the mind and the soul, for whom it had once been considered a mere corrupt vessel or else a puppet acting out their dramas for them, or else bad company, leading the other two astray. It must have got tired of the soul's constant nagging and whining and the anxiety-driven intellectual web-spinning of the mind, distracting it whenever it was getting its teeth into something juicy or its fingers into something good. It had dumped the other two back there somewhere, leaving them stranded in some damp sanctuary or stuffy lecture hall while it made a beeline for the topless bars, and it has dumped culture along with them; music and painting and poetry and plays. Sublimation, all of it; nothing but sublimation, according to the body. Why not cut to the chase?

But the body had its own cultural forms. It had its own art. Executions were its tragedies, pornography was its romance." 

Where I Ride Now

It's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language you can't read. . .**

Not too substantial of a day. Mexican night in my family. We go to San Jose each Wednesday night and drink ourselves into debate. Tonight's debate touched on a great many topic. It was initiated by my father, unknowingly, when he attempted to recall a "memory" from this past weekend. The "memory" was actually a sweeping criticism of my 87 year old grandfather that, considering he is in the process of dying of prostate cancer, I found unnecessary and uncalled for. This grew into a discussion about whether or not we should reprimand him for his, objectively, bad behavior and terribly selfish ways. What was not under debate was whether he has these ways, as he most certainly does. However, it is my personal belief that, especially at the age of 87, we should live and let live. I cannot think of the benefit of attempting to change him, for he is clearly not going to change. Additionally, I did not see the benefit of recalling negative memories of him as he is dying. 

I know that there are many negative memories; my grandfather was a brooding capitalist conservative who was most definitely concerned with profit over all else. He was also an unforgiving patriarch, who still reigns control over his wife in quite significant ways. I would rather cultivate the positive memories and hold him high for making the long and ardouous treck from FL to NC just to watch me walk across stage. I know who my grandfather is and was, and I did not come about that knowledge in the months before his death. My understanding of him was developed throughout my life. I prefer to hold on the positive memories of now, and forgive all else. I have gotten pretty good at forgiving lately. 

My father is a very directive person. He has set beliefs in the way the world is and how it should be, and he wants to convince people of the same foundational beliefs. Fittingly so, he made his name in human relations and consulting. He is at a turbulent point in his life, as he was let go from his former job and is now "retired" but looking for other gainful employment. No one takes him seriousy, however, seeing as he is 60 year old. They choose to hire, instead, the fresh out of college or fresh out of grad school applicants who will surely be able to give more years to the company in question. Because my grandfather equates sucess with personal financial sucess, and since, in the long run, my father has yet to truly attain that, and probably never will at the level my grandfather is accustomed to, the two of them are destined to be at odds. 

I talked to my father about the danger into holding onto anything too tighly. I told him of the buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn, who we read in intro to ethics, specifically his book Being Peace. In it, Hahn proposes that we should only be fearful of that which we hold too high or too tight, as being bound to something in this ever changing world will certianly leave you brokenhearted and useless in the face of continual progression. We should also be flexible, able to reconsider what we once through to be true, but not fear that we will ruin the integrity of truth, which has no absolute foundation anyway (sorry to say). 

I brought this up when my dad started talking about the cancer, and how my grandfather should not, under any circumstances, attempt treatment. My dad believes that he has already had a long life, and that he should just continue living it normally, as if this forgien disease had not taken over his body. I told my father that such a staindpoint is the culmination of a very particular value set, and that value sets are personal and nor to be forced upon anyone, especially not 87 year old cancer patients. I think he got it, reluctantly so, but the seed was planted, which was my only hope. I am going to give him Being Peace later tonight, and hopefully he will find some gems in it. 

Random piece of beauty: (I am going to find and post one everyday now) 

**Death Cab for Cutie, I Will Possess Your Heart 

Mother's Day Festivities: A Photographic Representation

Connect Four Extravaganza 

The Master At Work

Father and Daughters

The Mothers 

Obama for your momma. . .

Graduation and other such ridiculous traditions

So, graduation, they tell me, is a momentous event in the life of the graduate. Overall, it felt like a bunch of pomp, circumstance, and pageantry. I am not one to demand that people pay attention to me and my accomplishments, so the entire day went against the grain.

 

However, within the ceremony, there were a few incredibly significant experiences. During the commencement address, I actually began to cry. The commencement speaker, I am told, is the best we have had in the history of Lees-McRae. His name is Dr. Walter Earl Fluker, and is from Morehouse College. His  speech was entitled, "A Call to Ethical Leadership." I took two gems away from this speech; the notion of the intersection and life worlds/ systems. 

Midway through the speech, Dr. Fluker asked the graduating class to stand and close their eyes. He asked us to imagine the busiest intersection we could. Immediately, I was standing in Chennai, India with the cars and the rickshaws and the motorcycles and the bicycles and the cows and the pedestrians and the taxis and the complete lack of any sort of agreed upon traffic laws. I could smell the city and the lights flashed around my head, calling me in one thousand directions. The tears welled up in my eyes, as the imagined experience overtook my spirit and swayed me in ways I was not expecting. 

The image of standing in the middle of this dangerous and pulsing intersection was the perfect fit for where I am in my life right now. I am standing in the middle of this intersection, viewing it in 360 vision. Sometimes I am frightened, but most of the time I cannot comprehend or escape the beauty; human life pulsing as I stand completely still and quiet enough to hear my own heart. 

Dr. Fluker also spoke of the distinction between life worlds and systems. Life worlds are the minute ways in which we choose to live our lives each day. The clothes we wear, the music we listen to, the food we eat. All of these are used to define an existence and create an understanding of who we are as individuals and in relation to one another. Systems, on the other hand, are made of money, power, and technology. Systems do not care about our life worlds. Systems both enable and disable life worlds, as they create the conditions for choice and freedom, but immediately put restrictions on those conditions. 

Dr. Fluker urged us to see beyond our tiny lives, and to understand that there is great suffering in the world. He wanted us to understand that we, the citizens of the United Stated, may not be in the position of power forever, and that is it through understanding, communicating, and developing an empathetic capacity that we will learn to inhabit our globalized world in more ethical ways.

I was the first person to stand upon the completion of his speech, and the rest of the packed gym followed. It was truly moving, and I hope that our graduating class took the time to open their ears and eyes to the reality of the world we are about to inherit. 

Sociologists Extraordinaire: 

The Challenge: 

Psych You Out! 

The Select Few (Cyclists): 

More photos to come, as I more effectively commodify the Mother's Day experience. So many more words to come. 

Random Conversation from Gramps

Billy: "Well, I have two hearing aids. But they are in my suitcase"

Carole: "Billy, I am sure your suitcase is happy to be able to hear finally"

Billy: "Well, actually my radio is in there too, so I am sure they are having a good time." 

The Day Before

Today was a crazy busy day. I may have aggravated that on my own by drinking way too much at the bar, and then attempting to get a good night sleep (how dare I?!). Last night was a journey through the world using beer at my transportation; Tsingtao, Delerium, Magic Hat, Blue Moon, Bud Light (I DID NOT buy this beer), Red Stripe, and a Harpoon IPA. It felt really good, even on the walk back to my dorm, but once I laid in my bed, I got a case of the spins that persisted for at least the next four hours. I vaguely remember making a hot pocket around 3am, but only vaguely. 

Today started with a driving, yes a driving, tour of the Lees-McRae campus. If you have not had the pleasure of visiting our lovely campus, then it might be nice to add here that you can see the entirety of the campus from one end to the other just standing in one place. A car was hardly necessary, but I have quickly learned that argument and reason are to be abandoned when the extended family is in town. Just smile, nod, and secretly bite the bullet. Hard. 

I have learned a lot about my family in this trip, and have for the first time really seen my grandparents as real people, not just romanticized notions or archetypal visions. My grandfather is in a frightening state, as he is battling a cancer that may never leave him. He expressed his fear to me this morning, and I had a hard time keeping it together. It has been an emotional rollercoaster for the past few days, and I dont think I am pulling into the docking station anytime soon. 

After the tour was the Alumni luncheon. Where I got the below pin. Note: Low cost. Classy. 

Then it was to graduation rehearsal, where I was delighted to find my seat in the front row and devastated to find that the evil Deb Thatcher discontinued the honors tassels. Doesn't she know I was trying to commodify my academic experience and accomplishments? How dare she?! 

Below are a few examples of my new academic regalia. 

And below is the result of the entirety of the day with the family. Cracked. Hard. Ha. 

So, people tell me that tomorrow is a big deal. I will have to obtain empirical evidence and report back later. 

The "Its Not My Birthday" Celebration

Yesterday sucked. After my fantastic ride, everything went downhill. There were a lot of emotions I was not prepared to handle, and I ended up balling my eyes out for a couple hours, unable to control the flood of confusion swirling and surrounding me. My parent's tried to make it a nice night, with beer and cake, which may have, in the end, added to my uncontrolled emotions as I got dunk off the beer and fat off the cake. 

So, therefore, today is the "It's Not My Birthday" celebration, because I am so relieved it is no longer my birthday. To celebrate, I kicked my dad's ass at connect four at the coffee shop. In one of the various games, I secured a win in only three moves. See below: 

 

I then went out on yet another ride I had never done. It turned out to be a little longer than I expected, and I was being a little bitch about the wind. 

Thats all for now. The celebration may make its way to the bar tonight. More on that later.