RSL Cycling Systems: Summer Training Camp

2008 Edition

At Randy S. LaPrairie training camp, one becomes enmeshed in a great number of challenges. Located in the heart of Warren, MI only a few miles from downtown D'Troit, RSL Systems fuses traditional and unorthodox training methods to turn flabby marshmallows into lean, mean, cycling machines. Here are a few of the skills you, too, could acquire with a short stay at RSL Cycling Systems:

• Paris-Roubaix level handling skills on the streets of D'Troit
• The ability (and stomach) to kill a tent full of mosquitos with your bare hands in under ten mintues
• Wicked accelerations out of stop signs and traffic lights
• Camping without matches or flashlights
• Swimming without towels
• Bathing without showers
• Tolerance for near freezing water in a gigantic lake
• Immunity to pet hair
• The ability to flee, in pitch dark, from a storm  
• The reflexes to escape a flooding tent in under five minutes
• The patience and flexibility to sleep in car seats overnight
• And, most importantly, the drive to ride faster than you ever have . . . ever. 

The following is a testimonial to the week I spent cycling and exploring at RSL training camp. 

Day 1: Arrival

I was picked up by Randy S. LaPrairie himself from the metro D'Troit airport at approximatley 11am. We proceeded to his house, where I met the fattest cat I have ever seen. (Dick, if you are reading this, your cat looks like an emaciated Ethiopian in comparison!) After a short stay and a snack to prep for the day's ride, we headed to Macomb Bike to pick up what would become my training tool for the following week; a Bianchi Vigorelli (as pictured below): 

We returned to the house, threw on my pedals, and were off on the first of many grueling rides. Grueling for me, that is.  We rode to Grosse Pointe, which has some sick houses (really huge!) and a really nice view of Lake St. Clair. 

It was on this ride that I began to understand the ridiculousness of D'Troit city streets, which are the most poorly maintained roads I have ever seen with innumerable hazards to one's livelihood. I was pretty glad I wasn't on my bike, actually, because it was quite likely that I would damage it. 

Here is where I gained Paris-Roubaix level handling skills (kind-of) and honed in on my cat-like reflexes (well, maybe the reflexes of Randy's fat cat Nute, who I renamed Annabelle). This first day saw some reasonable top speeds on the flats (maybe 25mph) but my hesitation and frustration with the roads and the novel environment slowed us down. 

Day 2: Jew-Baby

In honor of Ben, Randy took me on a ride to Jew-Town. I was very excited at the prospect of seeing some of Ben's family, but we only saw a few, and they sped by us driving. Aside from the Jews, it is not in my memory that anything significant happened on this ride, only continued frustration on my part as a result of poor road conditions. The following are significant representations: 

Imagine burying your front wheel in that. I nearly did. Multiple times. Hello new wheel set. 

Day 3: To the Lake

We set out for a nice road trip to Lake Michigan, where we would camp, ride and swim. A leisurely stop in Kalamazoo for some wonderful beer (Yay, Bells!) and we were off to the lake. 

This is where it gets kind of crazy. Actually, absurd might be a better word. On the drive there, which took about six hours because of our stop in Kalamazoo, it became apparent that Randy had forgotten a few key items. Whoops! These items included firewood, matches, flashlights, and towels. When we arrived in Manistee, we decided that we would eat dinner out, and make due for the first night and go about scavenging for forgotten materials sometime the next day. Then, we were attacked by these: 

About a million of them. Okay, maybe not a million, but while we were trying to set up the tent there were, quite realistically, a swarm of about 50 or so around us, attempting to eat us alive. I have never, in my life, seen anything like this. I have been hiking in Mexico, to the jungles of Guatemala, and the villages of India, and never have I seen a mosquito population like this one. The entire time we were there, they never let up. They were relentless. Persistent. Nearly intolerable. Nearly. For some reason though, perhaps because it was so unbelievable, we found ourselves in utter hysterics, unable to control our laughter when entire swarms would surround us, deep in the woods, in the dark, with no flashlight. It was an interesting night. 

Day 4: Fast Ride

Glad to be on the bike, and moving faster than the mosquitos, we went out for a ride on some of the rural roads around the lake. Randy warned me that, according to his training plan, he would need to keep a descent pace, I knew I was in for a hard ride. We warmed up for a mile or so, and then I tucked myself behind his wheel, and "zenned-out" by staring at his gearing and cadence. Our top speed for this ride was about 28mph, and most of that was into the wind. At a few points it felt quite taxing on my heart, but then I went back to focusing on his gearing and my peddle stroke. When we went back to the campsite, I collapsed in the tent, and he went out for more. Daaaaannng. 

Day 5: Mosquitoes, Flies, and Rain

More mosquitoes, more riding, and some biting flies on the beach. We did, however, manage to acquire all forgotten materials from a K-Mart in town. 

Our tent incurred some damage from a storm that blew through around 5am, and we woke to a leaking ceiling, and puddles of water seeping through the floor of the tent. We quickly evacuated, and slept in the car. We had to sleep in the front seats, however, because the bikes, the cooler, and all our other shit was in the back. Needless to say, I was a bit sore when I woke up. I was also, oddly, craving McDonalds. 

Day 6: Back to TroitTown

We returned to the big city. With our drive, I was able to see the whole state coast-to-coast. I had never been to Michigan before, even though I lived in Ohio for nearly 6 years, so this was a treat. We were so happy when we got back to his house and could unload the Vue sans mosquitoes and biting flies. I was also happy to take a shower. We had been gone for four days, and I only bathed in the lake once. Yikes, thats kind of gross, eh? 

Day 7: Fuck You Cement Lobbyists!!!!

Worst ride of the whole trip. If the roads weren't bad enough, we managed to find bad roads UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!! AHHHHH! I had a mini-break down, and nearly stopped riding entirely. Something about Randy's demeanor while riding makes me averse to being a little bitch, so I said fuck a few times, and then shut my mouth and settled in for the rest of the ride. I was exhausted with a headache and a sore wrist by the time we got back. 

Day 8: Getting Back to the Pointe

Maybe because anything would have been better than day 7's ride, day 8's ride was quite nice. We went back to Grosse Pointe, and Randy did some of his own riding at intensity while I rode at my own fast pace along the shore. On the way to and from Grosse Pointe we were killing it, and I hit my highest top speed of the trip at about 31mph, on a flat. I felt like a fucking machine. 

I am back in NC now, and can already see the improvement in both my physical and mental capabilities on the bike-- all thanks to RSL Training Camp.